That Feeling

Have you ever just started crying because you have been holding all of these emotions, the pressure, and just pretending to be happy all the time without even being recognized ?

Or have you ever tried to be complete because you know nobody wants a broken toy ?
And listen to Beyonce ́s “ I am not a broken heart girl “ just to assure you are strong ?

I know that feeling.
It is a common useless coming and going.
Where you have that feeling of making any necessary adjustments.
Only for them to feel better and to accept you just the way they want you to be.
The worst part is that you get that feeling of being lonely and being rejected from anyone. Like it is a big contradiction itself. Like you know you have friends but at the same time you know you have no one to talk to about the shit that goes on in your head.

And our problem is that we need reassurance all the time. We always want to be reminded that we are beautiful and that we matter even for one person and it is not that bad if that one person could be ourselves. We want and need to be understand otherwise we will fall apart and lose all of the trust we put in.
Because sometimes we really feel unconnected to this harsh world and this leads to that insecure feeling of ours. Because every goddamn day, our silence stretches just a little too long and we just wonder if it will finally happen. If we really give up on us and this tiny stretchy rope of silence will burst.
Even though I do not think that it will be a big damage which we are afraid of, if we break our silence and not pretend to be happy but actually be happy.
First of all, we do not have to feel connected to this world but feel connected to ourselves. We as a individual are the ones who beautify this universe and so why being depressed and insecure about the way others make us feel ? You just have to make you feel better and the rest will follow. But if we are so focused about the fact that we need this kind of reassurance of others, we will never go a step further.

Yes I know that feeling but I learned not to let myself be controlled by that feeling…

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